Before posting the song for this weeks Thursday I just want to point out that I am not depressed. I am in fact rather happy and content with almost everything in my life. It is just my brain toying with my emotions.
Alright, so some days ago I joined my sister in watching the new film The Perks of Being a Wallflower. Without getting off track I can say that if you enjoy crying and really sweet, beautiful, funny, yet sad movies you should definitely check this one out! I enjoyed it a lot.
You can probably guess that the song I’m going to post today is featured in this film, but I want to point out that I have heard this song before. My sister used to be a huge Smiths fan, and seeing as we live together it is hard not to notice the music she’s playing. I haven’t sat down, put this song on play and listened to it myself, but I have heard it multiple times before.
It wasn’t until I saw this movie, however, that I was able to really enjoy it. To be honest I didn’t actually watch the whole movie, but I didn’t miss much. At the point that this song started playing I had just entered the room, and I decided to watch it with my sis, so I don’t really remember what was particularly important with that scene, sorry. But I do remember saying “that is such a nice song”. And it truly is.
The reason I felt I had to point out that I am actually very happy is that after listening to this song about 50 times while reading that it was about suicide, I started crying. A lot. For a very silly reason.
Whilst reading about the meaning for this song I read this comment:
And when I read that I burst out in tears. The reason for this takes some explanation.
I have this vision of how I will be as an adult, and one of the main things is that I’ll have a dog. Originally I wanted a Jack Russel Terrier called Ringo, but I decided I need a much lazier dog. Then I settled for a Bernese Mountain Dog, of which I’ve met plenty and they seem absolutely wonderful. The only big problem about these dogs is that a lot of them end of dying from cancer, which is terrible.
My mum told me that just because there is a risk that a dog gets cancer doesn’t mean I shouldn’t get one. That everything dies, and that we don’t avoid getting friends because they might die someday. That’s just something we have to deal with when it comes. I take great comfort in her words, but being the person I am I take my sorrows in advance. Way in advance. I am the type of “what if”-person. I always think worst case scenario, in this case my trusty companion and cuddly best friend dying in my arms. And I don’t even have a dog.
So I kept imagining this scenario over and over again in my head till I couldn’t take it anymore and fell asleep. Now whenever I listen to this song I automatically start crying, but I can’t help it. So you could imagine that people think I am very depressed, even though in reality I am quite happy. It is remarkable how such a fictional scenario can affect our emotions like that.
That was the story of that little embarrassing incident.